I thought i would take a break from going through all the "stuff" here at the house, getting ready for the estate sale. But I now do not have high speed internet, as we are turning off luxury items, and I had forgotten how crazy-making dial-up is. Just waiting for SOMETHING to happen makes me want to scream.

I am getting through the days and nights with some difficulty. It is amazing to me how I miss my mom. Somehow, I never thought too much about how it might be. It was just out there in the vagueness of someday, and how can you imagine something unimaginable? I have had moments of wanting to take up the torch where she left it, lying at the side of her life, when she was less able to do the advocacy things she cared so deeply about. She was quite a woman, a Renaissance Woman, actually.

It is hard to go through her papers, cards, photos, newspaper clippings. I want to save them and read them later, but I recall how I would tell her I didn't want any more news articles. She still clipped them, and told me about them. Her way of sharing. Paper can be so overwhelming. I guess it will all get done. We will have the sale person come out on the 4th of April to look at the stuff and so by then I must have gone through all, and determine what is estate, what is garage/rummage and what is junk. Including "as is", and then make it all "user friendly" and clean it all and make the house look nice, and the yard. I am exhausted, just thinking about what there still is to do. And I have hardly begun the garage, where I and my daughter and maybe nieces have boxes stored from when Mom moved here 10 years ago!

Some of it has been fun: looking at the baby clothes and quilts I, mom, and a dear friend made, my first and last knitted blanket, I had forgotten how many baby clothes I had made. and even embroidered the little tiny t-shirts! All bagged and waiting by the hopeful grandma someday...(me)! Is it crazy to hold on to things like the cradle my dad made? and the crib I bought? It's in Lake County now. Like I have room to store all this stuff? I am my mother's daughter, after all, in many ways. I am ok with that. God bless her!